What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 01:44
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
What are some interview experiences with JP Morgan India?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Power Rankings: RBC Canadian Open - PGA Tour
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I waited trembling.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
New Jersey Man Arrested for Stealing Instruments From Heart - Rolling Stone
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
5 Things to Know Before the Stock Market Opens - Investopedia
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was scared of men, in general
New COVID-19 variant detected in Washington state. Here’s what to know - The Seattle Times
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My life is so biszare .
How airline fees have turned baggage into billions - BBC
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I don,t even have a pension.
He knew the spot.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Apple issues urgent warning to all 1.8 billion iPhone users - ladbible.com
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I write beautiful poetry .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What did i know ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was very sick at this time too.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
When she asked me how she looked .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was seconnd youngest,
I couldn’t, believe it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
This is soul school!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I could never make a relationship work though!
So, i spoilt her more .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I have no regrets .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We were not on the streets..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She loved him until the end.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My family never makes their pension either.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im still living with it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One cannot live in the past .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But ive been too sick for many years..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She was in good health!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I think the readers, may guess!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
So whats the point in blame.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I will be 64.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But it wasn’t much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Ive learnt so much.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But, we were locked up after school.
Who then, do I blame.?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Comes on , in middle age.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She married twice! .
All the time i was locked up.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I said to her
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was 9 years of age.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And i lived it daily.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She wouldn,t have been !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Especially a lifetime of it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Put me off passion for life!!
We all went to grammer schools
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why did i forgive my father ?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She found it foreign!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Would this be the day?